Being Shy is Selfish

Tonight’s topic is one that I have struggled with and seen my friends and family struggle with as well. Shyness.

You know what I’m talking about – you find yourself in a social situation and your mind goes completely blank. Anything and everything you say is stupid, unimportant, and irrelevant. There’s a good chance if you open your mouth someone’s just going to interrupt or talk over you, right? You sit back and watch everyone else have fun. You’re terrified of looking dumb and that people won’t like you. You can’t wait to leave. Your palms are sweaty. Vomit on your sweater already. Mom’s spa… Oh wait.

I have been there. I have felt the insecurities and fear creep into my cranium, especially around a group of new people. My mind has gone blank, and I’ve had those knots in my stomach. I’m here to tell you that being shy is selfish. What do I mean? Well, think about it logically. You have spent the last (Insert age here) years building a life, having experiences, creating thoughts, etc. You know something that someone in the room doesn’t. Your experiences are unique and special yet you have the audacity to think that what you have to say is insignificant? Really?! That is certainly not the case.

I had my Ah Ha! moment not too long ago. I was in a big group, and I only knew one other person there. My brother. Of course, he doesn’t want his little sister cramping his style, so I decided to do my own thing. I didn’t know anyone, and I am ashamed to say I didn’t meet anyone that night either. I still don’t know them. Eight people with eight different stories that could’ve changed my life. Eight different lives that I could have changed with my story. I could’ve met a new best friend or laughed like I had never laughed before, but instead, I stayed quiet and reserved. Instead, I decided to be conceited and scared and self-absorbed. I only cared about how they could help me feel better about myself. Why weren’t they talking to me? Was there something wrong with me? Was I too ugly or too fat or too awkward? Did they think I had nothing to offer? I reacted by being shy before I even knew the truth, and because I was shy I still don’t know the truth.

How do you over come this? Step away from yourself! Hush that little voice in your head that keeps whispering insecurities at you every time you go to open your mouth. I believe that everyone has something to contribute whether it be fun facts about the early life of Will Smith or a story about getting attacked by a jellyfish while swimming in the ocean. (TIP: If someone had to pee on you to relieve the stinging, that’s a definite crowd pleaser.) Remember that your life is important and it’s a beautiful thing when it is shared with others. When you’re shy, you get so caught up in “What is everyone thinking about ME? What can I do to make everyone like ME?” Instead, ask yourself “What can I do to help someone else feel more comfortable?” The shyness cant exist if you’re making a conscious effort to make someone else feel more at ease. Forget your own shyness and say “Hey, maybe this person is shy too. I’m going to talk to them so they don’t feel stupid and irrelevant.” Chances are if you start talking to them, they aren’t just going to ignore you. Ask them questions about anything. Find a common interest and run with it. “Hey, I totally cried during Marley & Me too!” You’ll find the shyness melt away. Become personally interested in what you can do for each and every person you talk to. Think of it as a service! Being shy is doing others a disservice. Remind yourself of the beauty and blessings of being vulnerable. I honestly can’t think of any good things that have happened to me while I was being shy. However, when I have put myself out there, overcome my fears, and allowed myself to be vulnerable, great things happened. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, creativity, and happiness. So learn to love yourself and appreciate yourself for the crazy, messed up person you are and let yourself be vulnerable. Sure, people may judge you but who cares? Do not let yourself be paralyzed by others opinions. Being Shy is selfish.

See you all next week!

With love,

JustJonquille