Advice from a New Mom

I finally feel like things have settled and I am getting a hang of this whole mom thing.

REST!

I am not a rester. I do not take any joy in being idle. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable to sit on my couch and leave dishes in the sink, laundry undone, or to ignore emails. I underestimated how tough postpartum would be. My body was in a lot of pain. There was a lot more blood than I had anticipated. I got really frustrated at myself that I couldn’t do simple things right away. I felt really down on myself for not being able to jump up and clean my house or cook dinner or even get up to pick up my baby for those first 2-3 weeks. As a brand new mom, your number one priority is to rest and recover. You just pushed a watermelon-sized baby out of a bagel-sized hole! Your body won’t take too long to heal and before you know it you’ll be up and ready to get back into the swing of things.

Breastfeeding blues

Let me preface this by saying that fed is best. Whether you breastfeed or formula feed, it’s most important that your baby eats! If you want to breastfeed, ask to see a lactation consultant as soon as you get into your recovery room. For some reason, I didn’t ask until day three – right before I was discharged – and by then, my nipples felt like they had been rubbed with a cheese grater due to too many bad latches. I felt really defeated while trying to breastfeed and by day 4, I finally threw in the towel and gave Mila formula so that she would gain some weight. Society had it in my head that if I wasn’t breastfeeding, I was doing something wrong. There’s so much talk about nipple confusion, your baby not getting enough nutrients, breastfeeding is the purest, blah, blah, blah. You are already going through so much with becoming a mother, the stress of postpartum, having to take your little one home, etc. STOP listening to everyone and do whatever keeps you sane! For me, it was feeding Mila formula and the little bit of colostrum I produced, then pumping every few hours until my milk came in (around day 8). Pumping also helped my nipples to heal so that Mila and I could try breastfeeding again. Even after trying breastfeeding again, exclusively pumping is what worked best for our life. Ultimately, it’s your baby, body, and life. Do what works best for you!

Get ready for the gross

As my brother says, having a baby is a constant guessing game of “Why is this wet?”. Try to embrace the grossness and know that every experience with your baby is not going to look like a Pampers ad. You’ll experience spit up, drool, yellow-popcorn-smelling poop seeping out of diapers, and a weird belly button stump. You may also feel like your postpartum body is gross – I certainly did. I wish I could say that I was super proud of my postpartum body, but the truth is, I felt disgusting. My body was stretched out, swollen, and I hardly recognized it. None of my clothes fit. Be patient and try to think of the amazing thing your body just went through – creating life! You are a fertility goddess! You will get your body back eventually. I used a postpartum girdle to help my abdomen shrink a little faster, but I am still working towards getting to the size I once was. Embrace the weird, gross weeks of postpartum.

Accept Help

I have a hard time asking for help. I hate feeling like I am a burden on anyone. In your first weeks postpartum, don’t be afraid to ask for help. They say it takes a village to raise a baby, but I think it also takes a village for a successful recovery. Communicate with your husband and ask him to help you with specific things. For me, my husband took care of the dogs, watched the baby so that I could catch up on sleep, made sure I was drinking enough water, and much more. Those little things helped me to put my recovery first and I recovered much faster because of it. We were also fortunate enough to have friends and family bring us meals. We also had a lot of friends and family offer to come over and watch the baby so that I could rest once my husband went back to work. Looking back, I should’ve taken them up on their offers. I tried to do everything myself and it left me exhausted.

Stick to your guns

When I was in my third trimester, I was adamant that I was going to set rules for how people interacted with my baby. I didn’t want anyone to kiss her, touch her face, hold her without washing their hands, or visit while they were sick. Once she was actually born, I all the sudden became nervous to tell people my rules, and I would be mad if someone broke one of them. You’d be surprised how many people – even nonfamily members – will try to kiss your baby’s face in its first weeks of life. I wish that I had stuck to my guns and said “This is my baby. These are my rules.” I think I became nervous to stand up to people because everyone would joke around about me being overprotective. Honestly, you will be the one to have to stay up with a sick baby. You will be the one to pay those hospital bills. And, ultimately, you will be the one to suffer heartache if anything happens to your little ones. Stick to your guns and don’t be afraid to keep your baby away from anyone or anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Follow your instincts

I was TERRIFIED to be a mom. The first newborn baby I ever held was my nephew when I was about 20 years old. I had no experience with babies and I felt like the more I read about them, the more confused I got. You and your baby will go through a few weeks of figuring each other out. Trust your instincts and know that you are a great mom.